You are likely to find many articles on the internet that will talk about what you should do to avoid getting divorced. But this blog is slightly different. It talks about the things that you shouldn’t do when you are going through a divorce. Following are certain measures you can take to prevent it from becoming a complete disaster:
Don’t Give into Anger
Tensions usually run quite high during a divorce and the situation can feel like a complete mess at times. Under such circumstances, it is quite normal on the part of couples to make poor decisions. And they certainly cannot be blamed for it as there are so many emotional, practical and financial considerations that need to be taken into account. With so many things to look after, making mistakes becomes almost inevitable.
However, anger is one thing that you may want to avoid during the process if you do not wish to have any regrets later on. It’s not always the physical ramifications of anger but also the role that it can play in influencing your decisions in a wrong way in such critical times.
Choosing the Wrong Lawyer
Selecting the right divorce lawyer may not be a very simple thing to do. The type of lawyer you select to finalise your divorce should have a good understanding of the laws that are applicable to your circumstances. For example if you have children you may want to select a lawyer who has a prior experience of dealing with family matters and also the family laws. If the divorce involves handling discrete issues such as trusts or farming businesses you should appoint a lawyer who has the necessary expertise.
Remember to change your Will
A divorce is one of those life altering events which must be accounted for in your Will. You may not wish to list your ex-spouse as a beneficiary to your estate any longer after divorce and your Will must clearly reflect this change of wishes. You can also re-write the Will which can be easily done as all you need to do is download a free will template. But if anything were to happen to you before the divorce gets final, your ex-spouse may be able to recover a part of your estate by fighting for it in the court.
Don’t Dismiss the possibility of Mediation or Collaborative Divorce
With a Collaborative Divorce, each of you get to appoint your own lawyer and negotiations are not held over the telephone or by letter but over a series of meetings in which at least four people participate which includes the partners and their respective lawyers. This process has been adopted by several couples due to the advice and support that it provides at every point of the split.
Mediation in this case is not directed towards getting the couple back together but about mutually reaching an agreement without the usual adversity which is involved in this process. It is not a one-time intervention but an on-going process in which lawyers are not usually admitted but can be consulted at any point of time to ensure that they are achieving the right result.
Don’t Vent out Frustration on others
In such difficult times, it is quite natural for people to vent out their anger and frustration on their children or loved ones. However, it is possible that your children or loved ones are themselves having a difficult time dealing with the divorce. If that is the case, then partners must take special care to maintain an environment which doesn’t add to their worries.
Not talking extensively on this topic can give you the opportunity to reach out to your children in the most helpful manner. You should only talk about these issues when you find them to be anxious or worried about the same. You should also be to refocus your energy, attend their school events and take them out for occasional picnics.
Don’t underestimate the Therapist
When we’re going through such changes in life we are bound to experience emotions which can be beyond our control. Therapists can help us deal with a range of emotions with ease and get us through to the other side with minimum damage. Therapists are not only helpful in dealing with anger or depression but can suggest various exercises which can help you to relax and create a better environment at home.
Don’t Wait until the Holidays are Gone
Most couples which are contemplating a split tend to wait for the holidays to come to an end to get started with the process. However, waiting and prolonging an inevitable split over the holiday season can only make the differences get a stronger hold and reduce the chances for an amicable split.
Don’t Forget about Liabilities
Suppose you are living in a mortgaged house and you are required to pay monthly instalments towards the repayment. In these circumstances if you have raised the demand for the house you may have to work out how you will pay those instalments along with the other expenses attached to the house.
Capital Gains Tax is another consideration that you may have to take into account, when deciding what your share of the investment portfolio is going to be. Newly purchased stocks may be more favourable than the old ones as they are likely to attract lesser Capital Gains Tax than the older stocks.
Don’t be in Haste
Some people look to avoid the perils of a divorce by rushing through the separation. But haste may not serve your purpose well in these cases. It is possible that out of the eagerness to get done with this process sooner you may miss out on some important detail such as your financial security. It is therefore advised that you gather all relevant documents such as your pension statements, credit card statements, brokerage and mutual fund statements, tax forms and other records.
Divorce is one of those circumstances out of which it is impossible to come out unscathed, however with the right conduct and attitude, one can surely reduce the number of bruises suffered.